Restless

I have been feeling so restless lately. It's ridiculous. I went to a friend's wedding, and another friend in california just got engaged and I'm sitting here in a state that I hate, not married, not engaged...just sitting. I feel like my life is going nowhere. I don't have a passport, I've never gone anywhere exciting. I don't do anything. All my real passions play a little part in my life. I used to sing, write, act, draw, play piano.... I used to do so much. I feel like I'm settling. I don't think it's fair to my man, but I keep wondering if he's the one I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I love him to death, but shouldn't my soul mate want to keep life exciting and help me do the things that I want to do in life? He wants to have a lot of money to move, and a lot of money to get married. Why? We've always had a picture perfect relationship, and now I feel like I'm making it fall apart with all my negative thoughts. In my weird distorted mind, he should have moved me somewhere new the first time I mentioned it. He should want to marry me regardless of how much money there is for the wedding. He should understand that when I say I want passionate kisses, I WANT PASSIONATE KISSES!!!! I don't want to settle. But how do I know? What if he is my perfect match, but I'm too busy wondering if he's not? I am a basketcase! Why can't I just be happy?

I'm so restless.......